Here is Nurse easily distracted by dogs and big veins shirt. PLEASE DISREGARD ALL recent posts about a lip & nose “reconstruction”. Whereas your kind and complementary remarks were thoughtful and well received, what happened 12 days ago was NOTHING SHORT OF AN ALIEN ABDUCTION. You think I’m kidding. But, I beg you to please take me seriously. This could happen to you or to someone you love. PLEASE BEWARE of all smiley people who call themselves “nurses” – for they are truly aliens in disguise (scrubs hiding extra appendages, etc.).
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A week ago Wednesday the primary caregiver (we’ll call her “The Naïve’ One”) took me to “the place where aliens study babies” (All Children’s Hospital). I should have known something was wrong when I noticed The Naïve One and our friend “The Dog Whisperer” both started acting nervous. And they had good reason to be. The attack came on quite suddenly. Just mere moments after entering the facility, a tracking device was attached to my ankle, listing name, gender, birthdate, and SPECIES. I recognized this “luggage tag” as the nurses/aliens referred to it immediately and threw a fit each time they scanned it because I knew it was really STEALING MY SOUL.
(Mom says this rules out careers with Wal-Mart, Target or any major grocery store chain). They then proceeded to remove my clothing and wheel me away from my loved ones on a stretcher long enough for the Man in the Big Yellow Hat from Curious George. Because Nurse easily distracted by dogs and big veins shirt. Upon entering the Operating Room they told me to breathe in some funny smelling gas – I knew this was so they could study my brain and try to turn me in to one of them, but resistance was futile – it was apparent I was not the first baby they had ‘changed’.
Because Nurse easily distracted
As the nurses/aliens tried to make it so I could not tell other babies their evil plans (leaving only a small mouth opening where there once was a larger one) – in this very moment A SUPER HERO ARRIVED. While his mask did not look like Batman’s (more paper-like and covering his mouth and nose) Michael Gallant, M.D. swooped in to save me. Knowing the nurses’ evil plans to change all babies into aliens, but also knowing that he was outnumbered in the O.R., he acted as if he was supporting their plan but all the while was INSTALLING MY ARM LASER BEAMS, the very devices that eventually provided for my escape. Thus, Michael Gallant, M.D., Super Human Baby Saver thwarted the nurses’ attempts to change me into one of them.
But, they had not realized this as of yet….. Upon leaving the O.R., the nurse (alien) explained to “The Naïve One” (also known as mom) that most babies are groggy and asleep, but being the astute mini human that I am, (and not having succumbed to their alien-changing procedure) I came out fighting – I screamed at the aliens to step back or I would shoot them with my laser beams, I tried to tell mom and The Dog Whisperer to run for their lives! I must have scared the aliens because they gave me some medicine to make me go to sleep through a tube they had placed in my arm (which was strapped to a board) to subdue all resisting infants.